One day I had a SS test. SS is not my best subject. So, when it came to the essay, “Write about three differences between the Massachusetts Bay colony and the Virginia colony”, I got a bit creative. Hey, at least I passed the test (by 1.5 points). For the full effect, you can see the actual test here (p1, p2), including my teacher’s “comments” (which consisted mostly of “?” and “Get to the point”).

There are many differences between the English colonies in Virginia and in Massachusetts Bay. Most of these differences can be attributed to the varying governments and religions that these colonies were based on.

Perhaps the most obvious difference between these colonies was that one was in Massachusetts and one was in Virginia. This is obvious because of the names of the colonies. The only acceptable explanation for this is that it is impossible for two people to be in the same place at the same time (without being very uncomfortable). Also, if they had lived in the same place, we would not have to write essays about the differences between them, because they wouldn’t be different. So apparently, making the lives of high school students harder was also a motivation for early colonists.

Another big difference is that I know a lot more about the Virginia colony. Of course, that’s still not saying much. And it’s definitely not evidenced by this essay. The only explanation I have for this phenomenon is that I read that entire gigantic “Jamestown Disaster” handout and it was forever burned into my memory, but whatever I learned about the Massachusetts Bay colony was quickly repressed into my unconscious by my superego. Perhaps it stirred up previously repressed memories and my mind needed to protect itself. Or, maybe I’m just really stupid. yeah, that.

The last big difference between the colonies is that one was based on religion and the other one wasn’t. I’m pretty sure Virginia was the one that wasn’t, but I could be wrong (and chances are that I am). If I’m correct, the Massachusetts Bay colony was Puritan and revolved around religion. That’s because the colonists came to Jamestown with strictly mercantilistic ideas, whereas the Massachusetts people came to spread religion and practice freely. But, it could be the other way around. And yes, that paragraph WAS my feeble try at scraping up a few meager points in a rather futile attempt at a 42 on this test.

In conclusion, I know nothing about this essay topic. It’s not like I didn’t do the homework; in fact, I even read over all of my notes this past weekend. It’s just that Social Studies happens to be my worst subject, and getting four hours of sleep every night is wreaking havoc on my memory. I have not tried as hard as I could have, but if I’m going to fail, I should at least fail definitively. At least I didn’t cheat. Erm, right? Right??