I wrote the following article for Kitsch magazine, a literary magazine here at Cornell. I will also be adding a few more paragraphs and some footnotes and handing it in as my research paper for Intro to Semiotics (now THAT’s what I call multitasking). It was a lot of fun to write because I got to Google things like “diamond-studded bra” and “thong controversy”.

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Fifth grade: the last moment of freedom before one is crushed by puberty’s clammy grasp. A time of innocence, a time of freeze tag and wiffle ball during recess, a time when it is still acceptable to admit that you cry every time Simba tries to awaken Mufasa after the wildebeest stampede. And, now, a time when you can buy your first thong at Abercrombie and Fitch.

The chain clothing purveyor, best known for the awe-inspiring 20-year-old Adonises plastered across its bags, recently made waves by marketing thong underwear as part of the “Abercrombie Kids” line, which is directed towards girls in elementary through middle school. Parents were outraged, non-parents were appalled, and Family Values associations everywhere foresaw the coming of the apocalypse.
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