Ever since I hit the big two-oh, I’ve been feeling… old. I’ve lost that spring in my step, that conquer-the-world attitude I had in my teens. When I look in the mirror now, I see a strange face staring back at me: the face of a twenty-year-old. The sagging skin, the glassy eyes. And I don’t like it.

So I’m doing something about it. With the help of a facelift, rhinoplasty, liposuction and a generous breast reduction, I can regain that fresh-faced teenager look I once had, oh so long ago. The only thing standing between my youth and me is several hundred thousand dollars of extensive cosmetic surgery. At that price, I can’t afford not to do it!
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